The Vegas Valentinos
Back at Club Dalton-we love this place!
When: Aug 13, 2016 9pm in Holbrook, MA
O'Malley's Embarrassing Confessions Tour-Boston
----------------------Presented by Veteran Entertainment Television- entertainment for us, by us.-------------------- Come witness Combat Veteran Comedy that's so vile it makes pu$$ies, liberals, and the clergy- vomit and run home crying to mommy. Those who've seen the ugliness of war prefer a special brand of humor which-thanks to people who judge us- is usually only reserved for group text messages with close friends. F!@$ that, I'm bringin' our humor to the stage because when we're done laughing hysterically, we're gonna realize there's nothing wrong with us. We are America's finest, who happen to use dark humor to get through the day. For your viewing pleasure I'm going to re-enact death by skullf@$king, my near overdose on ectasy, my award winning attempt to nail a combat reporter, jerking off in Afghan porta sh!tters, how to smell a blonde woman's hair in Afghanistan, the funny ways we react when we kill civilians by mistake, the ridiculous ways we react when our guys get hurt, my tendency to prematurely ejaculate on hot girls by mistake (kind of), my Tinder exploits, the pathetic ways that I strike out when hitting on hot girls, and the awesome ways I blow it when girls hit on me. In the end you'll all feel a bit better about your lives because I'm going to tell you the most embarrassing parts of mine. You may know me as a Marine Officer, a public speaker, a non-profit founder, and activist for suicide prevention, but you really don't know sh!t about me until you've seen this show.If you come to this show with combat related demons, be prepared for an exorcism.1800- Meet and greet with other vets1940- Quick video/speech to the crowd2000- Show time in hallThis show is for 21 and UP! We highly recommend that you avoid this show if you are capable of getting offended.Tickets are available for a donation of your choosing, I've funded this comedy tour with my own money and without sponspors because I refuse to water down the raunchiness. Books and other items will also be available for purchase prior and after the show. This event is timed to coincide with The Silkies Hike happening on September 24, 2016 in Boston! Descripton of Donny's Bestselling Book, "Embarrassing Confessions of a Marine Lieutenant." A Marine Infantry Officer confesses his lust for killing and f@#king everything in sight, his desire to beat his boss's face in and frag the battalion staff, his willingness to risk Afghan civilians in order to save Marines, his burning desire to win a game of gay chicken at all costs, his personal mission to nail the combat reporter who joined his unit, his sexual arousal at the sight of ED (Enemy Death), and his inability to take serious things seriously; while planning and executing the last combat operation of his deployment in Afghanistan; a nighttime helicopter raid named, Operation Branding Iron Part 2.1A. (Continued from National Geographic's "Battlefield Afghanistan") This is undoubtedly the most honest and raw account of an Officer's thoughts and actions during combat that has ever been written. After publishing this book, Donny O'Malley's job options are now reduced to low level sales and day labor construction. It is still unclear how he ever made it out of the Marines without court martial. Senior officer's will slam him, military historians will be shocked, and all civilians will be 100% certain he's psychotic. Fortunately, the book is written for the opposite of those mentioned above. It’s written for Enlisted guys. Officers who are brave enough to read will either cry themselves to sleep, jerk themselves off to Donny's picture, or will ask their buddies to write them up for an award with V for having the moral courage to finish the book. "My moto boner is still raging strong and I read this book three days ago. I'm certain that my d!kk is going to explode, and I really don't care, because this book was that f@#king good."-Marine I served with. "858-555-5555- Hey bro that's my wife's phone number. You can f@#k her whenever you want, just wear a condom and try not to blow anywhere near the face. I understand mistakes happen, but do your best. Thanks for writing the book, I really needed that." -Marine I never served with "Just wanted to say that your book is cracking me up. I think the people on the subway think I'm nuts because I can't stop uncontrollably laughing. I think I crack up because I know your jabroni a$$ and know that the sh!t you write about that is going on in your head is true, no bullsh!t. You are completely f@#ked up, in the good way. If people were to question if you were making this up I could say that it's no bullsh!t because I spent enough time with you to know that you beat off 10 times a day. I slept above you on ship and heard you beating d!kk all the time. F@#k it, what man doesn't beat off constantly? It's raw and honest. Like you said, as professional as all of us try to be (officers especially) deep down we are f@#kin animals, neanderthals who just love pu$$y and talking about sucking d!kk, in a gay way, and when we get the chance, killing bad guys. Anyone who denies that, other than maybe the Col, is a f@#kin liar.......PS-your description of Major Dyce is spot on... f@#kin moron. Someone should have blew him up." -Lieutenant I served with. A message from the author- This book is a reach-around to all enlisted, and a F@#K YOU to every Officer who has ever written a politically correct, full-of-sh!t, “I’m a great leader,” book about combat. Every single one of those f!@king jerkoffs wrote a book for civilians that not a single enlisted guy ever gave two-shits about. The truth is that Marines love killing more than they love pu$$y; they fantasize about mowing down insurgents with a 240 on post while 70 virgins take turns blowing them.This is who we are, and I’m sick and tired of nerdy a$$ book writers hiding our reality from the public. F@#k the public, they’ll judge us and say we’re psychotic until they watch an ISIS beheading video, and then they'll beg us to come out of our cage to fight the bad guys. At which time we’ll head to the front line of evil and kill them all with a smile. Enjoy the read my brothers, this one's for you.
When: Sep 23, 2016 6pm in Holbrook, MA